In retrospect: The first time I ever saw your face

Keeping on with the retrospective posts I have decided to recollect on the day that I met my husband.

Our first meeting

As you have read, I met my husband on Valentine's Day 2001. It was not on a blind date. It was not even a date. It was just dinner with some friends. Valentine's Day was not my favorite holiday. I would have been content if it was just another day of the year. Valentine's Day had become a day of bad luck for me. Years before I had some not so pleasant experiences on Valentine's Day. They might not have been unpleasant at the time but they turned out to be not so good years later. I just did not have any luck on Valentine's Day. So in 2001, I continued on with my Anti-Valentine's Day rituals. I just wanted to enjoy dinner with friends. We all did not have anyone in particular for Valentine's Day so I figured dinner with friends to forget that we did not have anyone special in our lives. We had nothing to celebrate. We were just having dinner and it just happened to be Valentine's Day.

I arrived late to dinner that day which was nothing out of the ordinary for me. I had worked that day and knew ahead of time that I was going to be late. Being one of the last to arrive, I had to sit at the end of the booth. But I was not the last one to arrive to dinner. A few minutes after I arrived, a new member came to join us for dinner. It was a guy. I certainly was not thinking anything much less dating potential. As the last two to arrive, we sat across from one another in the booth. His name was Kris. He was not dressed particularly well. He was not the most attractive. But I was not looking to meet someone. I continued on with my bitter rage against meeting people on Valentine's Day so I am sure I was not the most attractive that day either.

I do not recall what I ordered for dinner that day, but I do recall what he ordered. The sight in fact is burned in my memory. He ordered a Smokehouse Burger. It was not just your regular burger. It was a bacon cheeseburger topped with onion rings and oozing with barbecue sauce. I could not imagine eating it and I was glad that I did not have that in front of me. As I watched him eat (I just could not help but watch as he was sitting directly in front of me) the barbecue sauce dripped everywhere. He had it dripping from his mouth, his hands, and just everywhere. I could not believe the sight I was seeing. And in public, too! If there could have been any potential here, it certainly was shattered after that sight. I did not think human but rather heathen.

Smokehouse Burger

Our second meeting

About a week after our first meeting, I was meeting some friends at Stevie Tomato's for karaoke night. Being Filipino, I love karaoke. I love to sit in the audience and sing along. Sometimes I even work up the courage to get up on stage and perform. I never get nervous being on stage but my voice is a separate entity from me and she gets quite nervous in the beginning but she settles down after a bit. Other friends from the singles group were going to be there even though I was meeting other friends. After a while, someone new came to join us. I had a few to drink so I was very comfortable and we talked most of the night. As the night was ending, he asked me if I wanted to go to get something to eat at Denny's. I agreed. It was much easier to talk and be heard at Denny's than it was at Stevie Tomato's. We did not have to shout or repeat ourselves. We stayed up for quite sometime just talking although I think I did most of the talking that night. We traded email address and phone number. I was quite happy to have made a new friend.

When I got home that night, I logged on to my computer. I found my new friend online and we continued chatting until the wee morning. It took me some time but I soon realized that the person I had met a Stevie Tomato's was the same person I had met the week before at Ruby Tuesday. He cleaned pretty well. He was dressed nice. He was even nice to talk to. I thought I had made pretty good friend.

Within a few months, Kris and I began dating. This was the start of our on again off again relationship. Who would have known that it would come to this?

In retrospect

On the day we were engaged, Kris and I went back to that Ruby Tuesday. I thought often of that day we first met. I thought how funny it was that on that day when I was not expecting to meet someone I met the man who would someday become my husband. I was not attracted and I did not think for a moment on that day I met him that I would be married to him someday. We ordered that famous Smokehouse Burger just for old time's sake. For extra added measure, Kris slathered on even more barbecue sauce. I looked at the half of a burger I had sitting before me. I could not even figure out how to hold the burger without getting sauce on me. I tried from every angle and just could not figure it out. So I finally picked it up and took my first bite. As I finished biting into the burger, I looked at my now fiance and uttered the sincerest apology I had given in a long time. Kris asked me why I was sorry. I told him, "All those years ago, I thought it was you who was the heathen. I was wrong. It was never you. It was the burger." We both had a pretty good laugh. I am glad that I did not let the burger get in our way and now we are happily married.

Kris and the offensive burger (May 29, 2009)

Kris taking a bite from the Smokehouse Burger (Notice the barbecue sauce oozing from the burger)

There was more sauce than this when I met him

Notice the barbecue sauce dripping from the burger

Valentine's Day

Last year for Valentine's Day I had my friend from work make a "bouquet" for Kris in commemoration of our first meeting. My former co-worker Erica made it. I told her the story and the details and she did the rest. She used nine Spongebob Squarepants crabby hamburgers and added red hearts. She used red and yellow-orange cellophane. She put it all in a yellow-orange pot with white dots to resemble a hamburger bun with sesame seeds. She added the Ruby Tuesday logo to top it all off. It sits atop one of our planter shelves in the living room.

Hamburger Valentine's Day Bouquet

Groom's Cake

For our rehearsal dinner I bought Kris a Groom's Cake. It was fitting to get a cake in the shape of a burger. I had it made at Publix and had them write on the "It was you" in reference to that it was the burger and it was him all along. He was the one meant for me.

Groom's Cake

My Groom and his cake

It is a great memory for both of us and a great look back into what we knew then and what we know now.

In retrospect: The Proposal

Proverbs 31: 10-31

Verse 29: "Many are the women of proven worth, but you have excelled them all."
 
Sometimes I look back on certain events in our relationship and I think about what I was thinking and feeling at that time and compare it to what I have learned and what I know now. I like to call these blogs "In retrospect." It is a way of looking back at things with fresh news eyes and seeing how it lead up to where we are today.

One such event I have often pondered is the day Kris proposed to me. On May 29, 2009 at St. Peter's Church in Naples, Florida Kris proposed to me out in what used to be the grotto and Stations of the Cross. The wooded area where it was located back in 2001 when we first met was over grown. We could not walk through each station. The only ones that could still be seen were Stations 12 to 14. There was to be no surprise about his proposal. I knew it was coming. I set up the whole day except the words and how it was all going to go down. I left all the details up to Kris. So what I thought would be no surprises turned out to be the best surprise of my life.

Events leading up to the proposal

We knew relatively quickly after our re-new-ed relationship in March that this time we either were going to get married or we were completely done. I was not going to settle for our relationship being completely done. I was going to do what I could to make sure that we were going to be married when it was all said and done. Nine years was just too much time to put into a relationship to see it end that way much less not in marriage. I knew my love for him was deep and true and I was not going to lose it this time. I just had to know for sure that his love for me was just as deep and true.

It took no time at all for both of us to realize that our love for one another ran deep and true. We both could not deny how we felt any longer. We knew after a few short weeks that this for sure was going to culminate in an amazing marriage. We just had to make sure that both set of parents were supportive of our wishes and desires. We had already seen that from his Mom and Dad since I had visited him several times after we re-new-ed our relationship. I had a new found relationship with his parents and it was going smoothly. My parents knew we were together again but were not quite sure where we were heading this time around. They had known Kris for the past nine years but were not certain if our relationship was ever going to go anywhere. They already suspected our intentions this time to get married but we had not told them directly. They still had some doubt in their mind if we were really going to take this to the next level or just walk away completely.

We told my parents a few days before my birthday May 2009 of our intentions to marry. My Mom seemed very hesitant to give us the okay. We were not asking so much for approval as we both were adults old enough to make this decision on our own but we wanted them to be aware and to accept that after nine years we finally were ready for the next step. My Dad seemed to be relieved that finally there was someone who could take care of me and look after me if anything should happen to them. He was okay to finally let go of the strings. My Mom was just not so sure if we both really knew what this meant. We more than knew. We were more than ready. We assured my Mom that we both knew what we were getting into and were willing to accept whatever challenges the future had to throw us. Despite my Mom's initial hesitation, they both congratulated us and welcomed Kris into our family.

The Proposal

Things moved pretty fast after we told my parents of our intentions. We purchased the ring I had been admiring on my birthday. It took some time to have it sized but we picked it up from the jeweler just a few days later. I knew in a short time that I would officially get the ring and Kris and I would finally be engaged.

The ring in its box

Kris had already had an idea of where he wanted to propose. He was thinking of several spots in St. Augustine where we had vacationed a few times. He did not know when we would have the chance to go there again. He was trying to plan it out when I had other ideas.

I was heading to Naples from Orlando for a work related conference for a weekend (May 29-31) just shortly after we picked up the ring from the jeweler. Kris was living in Bradenton which was not far from Naples. I had decided that it would be in Naples where we would get engaged. I wanted it to be at St. Peter's Church where we had attended Mass together when we first met in 2001. The rest of the details I left up to Kris to decide.

He planned a nice morning in Naples for our engagement. He came to Naples and picked me up at my sister's house where I was staying for the weekend. We drove out to Mass at St. Peter's Church. We were early for Mass so we sat in the car and listened to Christopher West talk about Theology of the Body - a teaching we both had grown to love and embrace as the foundation of our relationship. We held the ring in its box in both our hands. When it came time for Mass, we both headed toward the Church holding hands. We both knew what was soon about to happen. When got into the Church, we realized that there was no Mass being said at that time. We both were a little disheartened but instead spent time in Adoration at the Tabernacle in the chapel. It gave us both a chance to reflect. On our way back to the car, we ran into one of the priests. We asked him to kindly bless us and the ring. After finishing Christopher West's talk on Theology of the Body, we went out to the Stations of the Cross. There we found a bench in what remained of the grotto. We prayed the Stations of the Cross even though it was summer and Lent had long passed. Before we prayed, Kris read the reading from Proverbs on the ideal wife. I was amazed by the passage. I wondered if I ever could be such kind of wife. I wondered if I had what it took to be that kind of wife to Kris. The kind of wife I thought that he deserved. I prayed as he read the passage that I could be this kind of wife for him. I prayed that God would give me the strength and direction to be that wife. As we prayed the Stations, each prayer related somehow to marriage and the journey we were about to embark. It was as if God was giving me to answer and the tools needed to be that wife for Kris. After we finished praying the Stations, I sat on the rock under the cross. Kris knelt not on one knee but both knees and he used 3 verses from the passage he read to me to propose. He asked me if I would serve the poor with him. He asked me if I would laugh at the days to come with him. He asked me if I would be his good wife. I cried. He cried. Even now it makes me cry. He could not have said better words to me. He could not have planned the details better. I WAS surprised. The only answer I could give was a very emphatic yes. Yes I will be your good wife. After he proposed, we knelt before the cross and I asked the Lord Jesus to be the third person in this marriage. We asked him to be our spouse and be one with us. I know that on that day, May 29, 2009, he gave us his yes, too.

The ring with 3 diamonds

The rest of the day was a whirlwind. We had plans for lunch together to celebrate at the Ruby Tuesday where we met on Valentine's Day 2001. After lunch, we drove out to Ave Maria to buy something to help us remember the big day. We found a nice marriage blanket at one of the shops there. It has a picture of the Blessed Mother and her betrothed spouse St. Joseph. A good model for us as to what a true marriage should be.

Reenactment of the proposal

That evening we had dinner with old friends from Naples to not only celebrate birthdays but our engagement. It was a magical day for both us. One we will not forget.

So in retrospect, on that day I prayed to be that ideal wife for Kris. I prayed that I could have those qualities that he read to me from the book of Proverbs. I did not have the confidence to be that wife. But now looking back on that day, I realize that Kris did not read that passage to me so that I would have a model as to what kind of wife he wanted me to be but because he believed that I WAS already that kind of wife. He had found one worthy to be a wife. He had found his ideal wife. I am that worthy wife. I still struggle today (and I think I always will) to be that worthy wife. But I know that my husband believes that I already hold those qualities that make me a good wife. I am so blessed that my husband has the faith and confidence in me to be a good wife. I continue to pray that God gives me the strength to continue to be that good wife and the faith to know that I am.