Only Time Will Tell

A friend of mine asked for advice about her new relationship. She had met him only a month ago and had been dating for a couple of weeks. He was persistent about getting married in a month’s time. She wondered if it was safe to take the big plunge.

Here was the advice I gave her:

Give it time.

Remember that Kris and I were together for almost 8 years when we were engaged and 9 when we were finally married?

I am not telling you to wait that long but you have to know that you both are sure. I knew early on in our relationship but he was not so sure. There were times that he was sure and I was not. We went back and forth until one day we both were sure that this is where we both wanted to be.

In the beginning, everything seems invincible. It seems like nothing can bring you down. You are riding on cloud nine. Nothing can destroy that feeling. In the beginning, everything seems perfect but you do not know your limits. You do not know what will make you weak. It takes time to learn what weakens each of person and what weakens your relationship. The true test of a relationship is not when it is strongest but when it is weakest. We know you can make it when you are strong, but what about when you are at your lowest point? Can you still say that you love him? Can you still say you want to be with him? I know that even when we have a big fight I still love him. I still want to lie next to him at night. I still want to wake up in his arms. There is nowhere I would rather be. A true test of faith is not when we are the top of the mountain but in the valley of death. We grow the most in our faith when we feel the farthest away from God.

When materials are tested, they are not tested when they are at their strongest. They apply all kinds of stress. There is heat. There is pressure. There are chemicals added. Everything is thrown at it to test it at its weakest points. They have to know what its limits are. The same is true of relationships. We've had everything thrown at us to try and bring us down but we have made it through it all -- together. Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we both feel like we've had enough but in the end, it is still him and me. We come together. We make our peace. There is nothing that can break our bond.

Over the last ten years together, Kris and I have been through the valley. We have also been high on the mountain but it is in the deepest valleys that we clung to one another. We held on to each other so to help the other one through. There are going to be some hard times. Are you willing to cling to each other then?

There is no place too far for me to travel to be with Kris. There is no place I would rather be than right here with him. If all else fails and all I have is Kris, then that is enough. Some days it is so hard and I wonder if it is enough. But then his smile, his laugh, and even his simple touch and ALL is better.

This is just my advice. You can take it. You can leave it. The two of you are the only ones who can make the final decision. I am sure you have been given all kinds of advice. Read it all. Tuck it away for later. Come back to it in a few months and see where you both are. If you still feel the same then you can decide then.

Only time will tell.

For all those out there looking for their perfect mate, take your time. Do not rush into things. In the end, it all falls into place whether you wait six months or ten years. If it is right, then they will still be there. They will not go very far.

I searched far and wide. I looked near and far. I never forgot about the one who was close by the whole time. In the end, it was him all along. Only time could tell.

With One Foot in Front of the Other

I have decided to take a few strides ahead in order to be a better wife. I want to do more to be a better wife and someday a great Mom. I am taking some small steps now that will one day lead to big strides toward the future. We can only take these small steps ahead with one foot in front of the other. If we try to do it any other way then we are just going to trip over our feet and fall down. So we move forward one step at a time. Set one or two smaller goals each day that will lead us to our final goal.

Here are a few February goals I have set for myself and what I hope it will lead me to in the future:

Goal #1: Make the bed everyday. Every morning after we both wake up and get out of bed, I want to make the bed so that we are not tempted to crawl back in bed. I want us to be up and out of bed and ready to start the day.

Goal #2: Clean our bedroom. Our bedroom is not a terrible mess but we have little stuff everywhere. The dresser is constantly cluttered. It is a comfortable place to be and we spend a lot of time in there. If I can keep the room clean and less cluttered, then it might not be such a comfortable place to spend the whole day.

Goal #3: Clean the master bathroom. The master bathroom has not been thoroughly cleaned since we were married. I want to organize under the sinks, medicine cabinet, and "junk" drawer. I want to get rid of anything that is excess that we do not use.

If I can accomplish these three goals, then I hope to spend less time on the computer and in our bedroom. Enjoy the rest of our house. I can start on other "projects" in the other areas of the house so we can continue to make this house into a home. I want to be able to go outside and enjoy the beautiful day. Since we keep our bedroom like a cave, it is hard to see the outside. I always want to enjoy the day but by the time I am motivated enough to do so, it is already too late. So I hope with these three goals I can motivate myself to want to get out and do more.

I am moving forward. I am taking huge strides toward the future one step at a time with one foot in front of the other.

Full of hope

Jeremiah 29:11

I have been told for some time by a close friend that I ought to start a marital blog to chronicle the lessons and experiences that we learn over the course in our marriage. She also suggested that I log (or blog even) the stories and God-incidences that eventually brought us to this point in our lives. She said those stories and memories would be lost if I did not record them. I knew she was right, but I certainly was not ready to start blogging about our marriage. The thought had crossed my mind several times but as a newlywed I did not think I had as much to share as other married couples who had been married for a much longer time. So I just kept putting it off although it was in the back of my mind the whole time. Perhaps it was not so much in the back of my mind but really in the forefront.

I think one of the biggest road blocks in starting our marital blog was a title or name for our blog. I wanted one that not only expressed who we were but told a story on its own. There is so much in a name or title. A name is how you identify or know someone. The name has to fit and has to catch your eye in order to get others to notice. As the idea for starting a marital blog lay in the back (or forefront even) of my mind, I began to try to think of a title for such blog. One did not come to me immediately so I just kept putting it off and telling myself eventually I would get around to starting a marital blog. In the meantime, I kept sharing and telling stories of our experience with friends and family so as to keep a record of what we had experienced.  

Last night after sharing our blessing (see first post) with a friend, I finally got the courage start our marital blog. I knew I wanted to share the joy of our family gathering and how God had provided enough food and room for everyone in our small yet adequate home. The one thing I kept thinking about was a title. I wanted to start our marital blog but I did not want it to go without a title. I already had our first post written having sent it out as an email to share with friends but I did not have a title yet. I could not start our blog without one.

I thought for a moment about my favorite Scripture passage - Jeremiah 29:11. This passage has meant so much to me since I heard it when I was part of Singles for Christ. This passage has become my mantra. It finds it way to me by no coincidence but always by God incidence. Someone will share it with me or I will find it or see it somewhere when I least expect it. I think of it often when I am struggling. I remind myself that God has something planned for me. Something greater than where I am at that moment. He has a future full of hope planned for me. I have found my hope in this passage.

And that is when the title of my blog came to me last night. A Marriage Full of Hope. I know that God had this marriage planned for us. Even though it took us a long time to get here, He had this planned for us from the very beginning. He made us for one another. In the nine years we waited, He made us both ready for marriage. At times we both felt ready, but it was never at the same time. We were not on the same page. Perhaps the same chapter but not on the same page. We have been close but still never on the same page. God did an amazing work on both of and over time we became closer and closer. Eventually, we both realized that this marriage was our future. This marriage is our future full of hope that God had planned for both of us. This was the future God had planned all along. This is what I was seeking when I thought of my favorite passage.

This marriage is our future. This marriage is our hope.