Only Time Will Tell

A friend of mine asked for advice about her new relationship. She had met him only a month ago and had been dating for a couple of weeks. He was persistent about getting married in a month’s time. She wondered if it was safe to take the big plunge.

Here was the advice I gave her:

Give it time.

Remember that Kris and I were together for almost 8 years when we were engaged and 9 when we were finally married?

I am not telling you to wait that long but you have to know that you both are sure. I knew early on in our relationship but he was not so sure. There were times that he was sure and I was not. We went back and forth until one day we both were sure that this is where we both wanted to be.

In the beginning, everything seems invincible. It seems like nothing can bring you down. You are riding on cloud nine. Nothing can destroy that feeling. In the beginning, everything seems perfect but you do not know your limits. You do not know what will make you weak. It takes time to learn what weakens each of person and what weakens your relationship. The true test of a relationship is not when it is strongest but when it is weakest. We know you can make it when you are strong, but what about when you are at your lowest point? Can you still say that you love him? Can you still say you want to be with him? I know that even when we have a big fight I still love him. I still want to lie next to him at night. I still want to wake up in his arms. There is nowhere I would rather be. A true test of faith is not when we are the top of the mountain but in the valley of death. We grow the most in our faith when we feel the farthest away from God.

When materials are tested, they are not tested when they are at their strongest. They apply all kinds of stress. There is heat. There is pressure. There are chemicals added. Everything is thrown at it to test it at its weakest points. They have to know what its limits are. The same is true of relationships. We've had everything thrown at us to try and bring us down but we have made it through it all -- together. Sometimes we fail. Sometimes we both feel like we've had enough but in the end, it is still him and me. We come together. We make our peace. There is nothing that can break our bond.

Over the last ten years together, Kris and I have been through the valley. We have also been high on the mountain but it is in the deepest valleys that we clung to one another. We held on to each other so to help the other one through. There are going to be some hard times. Are you willing to cling to each other then?

There is no place too far for me to travel to be with Kris. There is no place I would rather be than right here with him. If all else fails and all I have is Kris, then that is enough. Some days it is so hard and I wonder if it is enough. But then his smile, his laugh, and even his simple touch and ALL is better.

This is just my advice. You can take it. You can leave it. The two of you are the only ones who can make the final decision. I am sure you have been given all kinds of advice. Read it all. Tuck it away for later. Come back to it in a few months and see where you both are. If you still feel the same then you can decide then.

Only time will tell.

For all those out there looking for their perfect mate, take your time. Do not rush into things. In the end, it all falls into place whether you wait six months or ten years. If it is right, then they will still be there. They will not go very far.

I searched far and wide. I looked near and far. I never forgot about the one who was close by the whole time. In the end, it was him all along. Only time could tell.