My job: Stay at Home Wife

A close friend had been asking me how we came to the decision for me to be a full time stay at home wife versus a working wife when I moved here. It was not an easy decision for me to make personally but it was an easy decision for us to make together. It was not that my husband told me that I had to be a stay at home wife but he gave me the option to be a stay at home wife. If I need to go back to work for whatever reason (either personal or family) then I know I can. The option is always there for me to work but the decision to stay at home is truly a blessing.

Below you will find how I chose to answer her concerns about staying at home versus being a working wife.

A few questions to consider when deciding to stay at home:

1) Is the second income the difference between making ends meet and a few extra dollars for dinner and a movie once a month?

2) Is the primary income alone enough to cover your essentials -- food, water, electric, and mortgage?

3) Can you squeeze the budget in non-essential areas (health and beauty, leisure and entertainment and blow) and tighten in other areas (food and clothing)?

4) Do you have "extra" or increased expenses in certain areas due to your second income?

Here's how we explored each of these areas:

For questions 1 and 2:

Early in our marriage (a month or so after we were married) we explored our monthly budget. We took our monthly income (using Monopoly money) and spent EVERY dollar on paper.

Categories we considered:

1) non-negotiable: mortgage & car payments
2) monthly negotiable: food & gas
3) frequently occurring (not monthly): car repair & medical
4) other expenses: blow, leisure, entertainment, savings

We determined that my husband's salary (including overtime) alone would cover all of our monthly expenses. Anything I bring home would only be to help either pay down our debt faster or add to our leisure, entertainment, or savings. We could cover all our necessary expenses and still have enough for an occasional treat once a month or so.

For question 3:

As the months went by after we planned our budget, we realized there were certain categories we had omitted from the budget (unexpected medical expenses) We also realized that what we originally budgeted in some other categories were more than what we needed. So we were able to adjust the budget to fit in the new categories and pare down the others. We were still able to make my husband's income work each month without it being necessary for me to have to go to work.

For question 4:

Consider this. Let's do some math. Let's say you make $1000 a month working part time. You can subtract about 1/3 of that for taxes and payroll deductions so your take home monthly is approximately $700. But since you are working you now have increased expenses in other areas that you wouldn't normally have if you stayed home such as increased car maintenance. And perhaps now you eat out more since both of you are just too tired to make a nice home cooked meal. Not to mention you are both too tired and your quality time together isn't what it used to be. So with all the added expenses, your take home pay is now reduced to $300 to $400 a month. Can you adjust the budget and spending to save $400 a month rather than you having to go to work? If you can find areas where you can cut expenses, then it's like making $300 or $400 dollars that goes directly into your pocket. It's not taxed and you can spend it anywhere you need it. Saving money is positive income rather than outcome (money going out)

I have come to realize over the last nine months although I am not working outside the home, I make us money by saving us money. I have learned to save money at the grocery store and I have not purchased any new clothes since we have been married. I have tightened my personal blow budget and applied the money in other areas where we need it. I have sacrificed things that I really want for things that we really need. This helps us stay on track and on budget. Saving money truly turns our income into IN-come rather than OUT-come -- money going out for bills and unnecessary wants. It was not always easy for me to make these kind of decisions but I have learned to make choices for the greater good of our family rather than my own wants. I see sacrificing now will pay off for us in the long run. Denying ourselves these simple pleasures now will help to enjoy them later without concern for money.

Every few months, we revisit the idea of me working. It is more for personal reasons rather than family financial reasons. I start to miss working and the interaction with people. But after all is said and done and we openly discuss it, I choose every time to stay at home. I continue to make our house more than a building but a loving and welcoming home that we pray someday we can fill with children.

Being a stay at home wife has been the best job I have ever had. It is worth the hours I put in and the money I make. The benefits are the best. I have a beautiful home and an amazing husband who loves me with all his heart. What more can one ask for?